Life doesn’t always afford us the choice of whether or not we’ll survive what it throws at us. Be it a challenge at work, life in general, family matters, ill health, etc. Some of us have a little more on our plates to deal with than others which is why some people who cross your path will understand or be empathetic towards your struggle and others…well, they’ll be a bit more dismissive because of their ignorance. Understanding doesn’t always come easy regardless of which end you’re on.
Each day brings with it new challenges, new obstacles and sometimes new blessings. For me right now, I have a bittersweet mix of both. My Hydrocephalus has behaved itself since June last year AND I haven’t needed surgery in 8 years – that’s a HUGE blessing! Any person with this condition will know exactly what I mean to have gone without a Hydro-headache or surgical intervention for that long. The little headaches I’ve had in between that respond to simple painkillers are nothing in the grand scheme of things.
On the opposite of that spectrum, the obstacles and challenges I currently have are in dealing with my latest diagnosis of Hyperthyroidism. I’m not entirely sure how to feel about all of it because quite honestly, it leaves me saying most days “God, WHY don’t you just let me die?”. It’s not me being negative or depressed, even though that is a relatively easy state to gravitate towards. No…it’s more me just feeling helpless and being tired of having to deal with doctors who don’t listen, provide below par care, charge a fortune and are more concerned about making as much money off of you without providing any real solutions/guidance to the physical agony their patients are in. It’s about dealing with and accepting the betrayal of my physical state over which I have no control. It’s about having to deal with hurtful comments (intentional or not) and snarky remarks from family and friends who, despite being the closest people to you, just don’t get it. It’s about willing my body to feel better because I’m sick of feeling sick…
Surviving life…that’s all I’m trying to do regardless of your opinion…
So, survival for me at this point in my life is taking the good with the bad. The dose might not be the same and the scales may tip more in favour of the negative but, I choose to focus on the positive. I’m defying the hold that ill health has on me and saying “Stuff you!”
The only way to get through is to take one more breath, one more step forward (even a side step is a step nonetheless) and push my body to survive. I’ll get where I need to be simply because the lesson is not yet known to me…and, that in itself gives me the will to survive.
Your attitude in everything determines the best or worst outcome, don’t you agree?