Have you ever been told not to dwell on the past?

Have you ever been told not to dwell on the past?

I wonder how this fits into the equation of dealing with issues from the past for mental healing.  I get that there’s nothing you can do about what happened in the past…it’s self-explanatory.  But, how should one deal with anything negative, torturous or heartbreaking, etc. to move on, without reliving or more specifically revisiting the past?

I’m a black and white person.  There’s very little to no room for anything in between. However, I sometimes give in to this theory of seeing the in between and open myself up to the possibility of it all.  (“Mr Grey will see you now…” unfortunately doesn’t always work for me).

The point I’m getting at is…

If we are meant to move on from situations which angered, hurt, scarred, etc. us, then why is talking to someone professional (reliving and going back down that painful memory lane) seem like the obvious solution?  Also, what the hell does it really mean to forgive and move on?  I’m yet to experience this profound and momentous occurrence, just once in my life.

Bear with me…

Life happens…we all know that.  There are things in my own past which I wish never touched my life.  However it did and being true to my realistic nature, I know there’s nothing I can do to change it.  I move on with those emotions in place, emotions which threaten my state and frame of mind whenever something triggers my memory.  I feel powerless to control it…though I do try.
So, before I came to the realisation, I went in search of professional help and talked to not just one or two psychologists…a few in fact over the last couple of years.

The conclusion I came to is…that crap doesn’t help.  Sure these are trained people and for some of us, they actually serve a purpose and have success.  I, however, will remain sceptical and say I’m not 100% convinced.  In fact, having a best friend to talk to and be completely honest with, is a cheaper alternative to get it all out of your system…repeatedly (especially if it’s someone you can drown your sorrows with over a bottle of wine – provided you’re into that).  If not, find another outlet.

I blog as an example…holding nothing back because simply put, I believe I’m being true to myself, no bullshit/no fluff.  With my heart on my sleeve, I bare my soul without thought of the consequences of other people’s reactions or opinions.  Thinking that I am unique in my experiences is a lie I do not wish to entrap myself in.  And, if my sharing what I’ve been through helps the next person, that’s all the more reason to do it.

The past is not always a good place to visit and as long as it evokes any kind of ill feeling within you, it’s best not to dwell on those situations for too long.  However, find a driving force inside of you to keep moving ahead, especially when you feel yourself slipping, even if it means that from time to time you stick your head in the sand.  I don’t believe that works for every situation in life but there are things we all endure that make us cringe every time we think about it.  Things we did not bring upon ourselves, things we were powerless to stop/avoid, things that no one should know about but these occurrences are what has led us to the point of where we are today. They’ve shaped the way we think, feel act, etc.

There is one difference though. These things have happened to us, shaped who the world sees but they do not define us. “Get rid of anything which does not serve you well” is another useful piece of advice I read somewhere.  There are bound to be casualties during the process and sometimes close family are part of this equation and, you might end up parting ways.  Just recently, I prayed to be able to “bite my tongue” and keep my opinions/feelings to myself, just to keep the peace and maintain the relationship.  I did this after weighing up the options of whether it was important enough, whether it mattered in the end and if it would make a difference in the bigger scheme of things.  The conclusion I came to was “No“, so I literally sat biting my tongue – it felt a bit bruised afterwards but it worked!  However, looking back now, I’m not so sure it was the best decision to make because I feel as if I compromised the relationship with myself in return but, who knows…

Walking away from anything negative in your life (battle scars unseen) is one of the strongest things you’ll ever do as an individual. You might only be strong enough to crawl or limp but move away you must – for your own sanity.

Keep your head held high…Life happens but tomorrow is another day to try again.

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