I wrote this a few weeks ago, it was meant to be my way of motivating anyone who needed it. But, I never actually got around to finishing it. Now, lying in a hospital bed (yet again), I find it more suited to my own situation.
I called my neurosurgeon’s room yesterday and told them about nausea and a headache I’ve had for the previous 3 days, all day, every day. Mid-December, I had the same dizziness pre-surgery last May. My headaches have come and gone over the last few months but this was longer and more intense. The directive was clear; “Go to the hospital emergency, don’t muck around!” So, here I am. Admitted overnight, awaiting an MRI with flow study later today, and a visit from my neurosurgeon.
A visit to my gastroenterologist the day before sparked some of my concern. He booked me for an endoscopy in 2 weeks time but examined my abdomen and remarked; “That amount of discomfort and pain could be due to pressure in the brain”. I tried to brush it aside.
Hopefully the MRI will guide our next steps. It may not lead anywhere, however, I remain optimistic regardless of the outcome.
- You’re facing another brain surgery, or
- You’re unsure if your treatment option is failing, despite your gut telling you otherwise. Or,
- Maybe your body physically cannot take the pain anymore. Or,
- Maybe, like me (so many times), you feel helpless and have no medical direction. Or,
- You have no Neurosurgeon to call on. Or,
- You’re at your wits end because every visit to the hospital emergency department turns into a fruitless waste of time. Or,
- Doctors who should know better, dismiss your concerns because they don’t fit into a textbook checklist. Or,
- You’ve dipped into a state of depression, feeling like you’ve fallen off the board, pummelled by the ocean. Or,
- You may even be anxiously awaiting your next MRI or neurosurgeon consult, feeling like time is literally standing still.
If you’re hanging on by a thread, because you’ve had symptoms, which you’ve tried to brush aside, and feel like you’re “ghosting” yourself. Know this:
There’s only one way to get to the other side, and that’s to keep going. Stay on the board whether you’re surfing the wave or just using it as a flotation device.
I’m floating right now, simply because I’m tired of the effort it takes to stay standing. At least I’m on the board, despite feeling like I could literally just slip off the side, and be done with it all…
How about you?