It’s easy to get dragged down into a whirlwind of despair and depression. This would be true of almost anything in life.
Hydrocephalus is not an easily digested condition and having to explain it, almost on a daily basis ever since I released my book Hydrocephalus: Floating Faithfully, has become rather draining. (Don’t misunderstand because I love the fact that I get to educate others on a condition, which needs and deserves it). Today, however, I choose not to dwell too much on the negativity of the situation. For me personally, I have been on what feels like a roller coaster ride since diagnosis, 8 years ago.
Some days are bad, thankfully, these have become few and far between. And other days…well, let’s just say, I feel more alive and invigorated than others.
A few days ago, I was reminded, yet again, of the negative possibilities, this condition could render unto me. I have read the same words so many times, heard it from the mouths of neurosurgeons and yet…seeing it again, made me curl up into a ball and burst my tear banks. I felt defeated and wanted to give up. I no longer wanted to have the emotional baggage, which has been clouding my life for what seems like an eternity. I had no-one to comfort me, no-one to hold me and no-one to tell me it’ll be OK.
I knew that I had no choice but to carry on and Pick myself up. I knew that I had been here many times before and I made a conscious decision to move forward no matter what…my mantra “You can do this” ringing true to every step I managed to take after that.
Today, 2 days later, I am riding a wave of positivity. What happened? you might ask. Well…nothing per say. I just decided that it’s no use wasting hours of my life worrying about something, which is not within my control. I decided to embrace the glimmer of positivity lurking its head in the distance at me, and catch the wave of a successful swell.
I don’t know about you, but I have enough other stuff going on in my life at the moment to worry about not being here tomorrow. At this very moment in time, I am on the train going home to my children. I have with me, the ingredients to prepare a meal, which I know they will love and devour favourably. I look forward to hearing their complaints as I walk through the door and being hit by the sight of an unkempt kitchen, which I left spotless last night. I know my 5-year old daughter will bombard me with verbal diarrhoea, a sight I know, many of our family and friends have never witnessed. My daughter has selective mutism and therefore talks to no-one else but Mom, Dad and her two brothers with the exception of a few friends she’s managed to make along the way. This too is a challenge in itself.
So yes, I will be riding the wave and every other one that comes after, lapping up any shred of positivity…because my soul requires it of me.
Like I mentioned before, since releasing my eBook, and also starting this blog, I have had people reach out to me on different social media platforms. These people, each and every one of them, have given me hope, been kind, helpful and an inspiration to me in so many ways. The comments I’ve received are just awesome, seeing how my posts serve as a catalyst to deeper conversations on Facebook and actually helping others understand what Hydrocephalus is all about is a God-send. I have established new connections and networks across the globe.
I believe God has blessed me and therefore I positively accept what lies before me…Shouldn’t we all?