Hydrocephalus : It’s sometimes better to just forget

Hydrocephalus : It’s sometimes better to just forget

I am quite hard on myself when forgetting things.  I forget that I tend to forget things…I also forget that there’s a very good reason why I do.  My kids know I forget things and remind me quite easily about it too.  I’ve read a few inspirational stories of people with Hydrocephalus who have pushed the bar and reached intellectual limits “believed” to be in existence.  When I see an article about one of my fellow Hydro Warriors achieving their Honours or Masters Degree in blah…I feel weak.

I mean…if they can do it, then so should I right?  Wrong…!

I remind myself that we are not all the same and each one of us is unique in our experiences regardless of the fact that we have this condition in common.  I push myself, VERY hard sometimes and I think in all fairness to the person that I am, it’s time to stop.  I’m not giving up.  In fact, if I did give up, it would be OK.


Why get all worked up about it?  I know my memory sucks.  I know that there are certain things that I can no longer do.  I also know what I was capable of a few years back.  This is where the struggle comes in to play for me.  The fact that I know all of this and even say it, does not mean that I’m ok with it.  Far from it.  It only means that I have accepted my life the way it is for I know that there is nothing I can do to change it.

Aside from my short-term memory problem, my cognitive skills are shot to hell.  There are little remnants still breathing inside of my head…fragmented and torn apart but some, which are hanging on by a thread, still manage to produce results.  It paralyses me at times.  It literally feels like trying to push through a brick wall.  I feel it in my arms, my legs, my whole body…a numbness of note.  Trying to make a decision or order my thoughts are things, which I fail at each time OR it takes me a little longer to get there.  I’m specifically reminded of a night when I went to the supermarket after work to buy some potatoes.  I stood in front of the selection of about 10 different kinds and for the life of me, I just could not pick a bag.  In these situations, my heart starts beating faster, my head feels fuzzy and clouded and I feel nauseous and dizzy.  I walked out of the store that night without the potatoes and highly upset with myself.


This was not the only instance when it’s happened and I know it won’t be the last.  I have to remind myself that I’m not useless.  I have value and more importantly…I have something to offer this world.  I see the strong person I know myself to be still lurking in the shadows.  I concentrate on what’s good and right in my life and lunge forward.  It’s not easy and I don’t expect it to be.  I do, however, choose what my attitude towards the current status quo is going to be and that in itself, gives me the power to drive myself forward.  I have my weak moments and to that I say…So what, we all do!

In all honesty, when I feel “normal” and push my condition aside…I think it’s sometimes better to just forget about it, even if it is for a little while.

everything's all right


Published by Skyewaters

I blog about Hydrocephalus to give a voice to the millions (if not billions) of people around the world with this condition NOT disease.  As much as these experiences are unique to me and my family, I’m sure others have experienced it too.  My aim…to shine a light on it and raise awareness – simple and challenging at the same time but worth it!

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