Brain injury wreaks havoc on relationships so protect your heart

Finding the balance, living life with hydrocephalus and brain injury, is tricky. Relationships take strain and fall apart. The loss of some relationships has been sad for me. But I’m realizing that this is inevitable unless the required effort is made by all parties. Truthfully, some have been easier to let go of than others…Maintenance requires too much effort!

Invisible conditions and injuries make for challenging situations.

I firmly believe that awareness and education, especially with family and friends, is more important than ever before. I have faced my own ongoing challenges and experiences. Because of this, I’ll advocate for it more strongly. And, I’m determined to keep talking about it.

Disclaimer: Not all of my family or friends follow this blog. Not all of them are interested. Not all of them understand. I would like that to change. I want better support. Yet, I know that expecting more only sets me up for heartache. That is their choice. I’m OK with that! Besides, those who want to know and understand, will and do.

Your heart is not a punching bag

It can be especially hard when you meet someone unaware of the effects you’re experiencing. These effects stem from the condition itself and the resultant brain injury or damage. Or, despite knowing, they don’t fully understand your situation and how best they can support you. Some situations arise where others say things that are insensitive. Some comments are downright hurtful. They say these things because they are trying to make light of a moment in time. The golden rule applies:

If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. It only adds insult to injury. Ignorance and being unaware is an excuse you only get to use when being truly sincere. Because, when you know better, you should do better. Simple.

It’s not a case of being negative or too serious

I have no issues explaining about hydrocephalus and brain injury. I do this to educate and raise awareness. I explain to someone else for them to understand not look for sympathy or to make excuses. But I have found that, despite people’s best intentions, the lines can become blurred leading to a less ideal situation. It requires effort from both sides, which is bound to test you to your core. A slippery slope where relationships, regardless of who it is, become strained and inflict pain. More so on the person living with the injury/condition. Dealing with the effects of an incurable condition and brain injury has been something I’ve had no other choice but to accept. Not as easy as some would think or expect. In fact, I suspect any reasonable person would find it challenging, for lack of a better word.

The fact of the matter is brain injury and hydrocephalus aren’t going anywhere. The proverbial ball and chain situation. So, you must practice the ultimate form of self-care. Protect your heart against anything, or anyone, threatening the protective bubble you’ve (forcefully) built around yourself in order to get to a better place. When it comes to the ignorance, or lack of awareness, of others, protecting your heart from them may just be the best thing you can do for yourself. Whatever form that takes.

FACT: You lose so much more than just the deficits you’re left with. It’s what you do going forward to ensure your own survival and peace of mind, as you continue to figure out and adjust to live with the new you…

My advice to anyone facing this challenge

While I cannot tell the next person what they should do, I would advise doing whatever it takes to protect your heart as well as you do your brain. If you don’t, no one else will. Also, be careful not to make excuses for, or accept anyone else treating you with disrespect. You have enough to deal with and shouldn’t have to put up with other people’s ignorance.