Four days ago I was “fine” and now, each day closer to the next feels like an eternity as I will time to pass quicker. Time, something which feels like a luxury, a priceless possession I wish I had more control of, with a dash of patience.
I’m at a crossroad (again), one no doubt many of you have been at too before. And yet, the heart of this post did not simply rear its head four days ago. It’s been a buildup over the last few months (or quite easily, the last few years).
At this point in time, I have spinal pain which hasn’t eased up at all over the last 2 weeks (or more…I forget). Waking up with headaches in the morning which improves after being upright for a while. Nausea but no vomiting and, dizziness which had me slump back into bed this morning. I couldn’t adult so stayed home, slept all day and didn’t make it to work…
I’ve had headaches which have increased during the day over the last few weeks (something which piqued my interest momentarily yet, lingering in the back of my mind). That nagging “weird” feeling inside my head where my ETV is increased, becoming more prevalent throughout the day. And, a feeling of fullness in my face. I tried all the other approaches and checked my diet, made sure my bowel movement is regular – ruling it out as the cause of the nausea and possibly the headache as well. I’ve done sinus rinses in case that was the culprit, no improvement. I’ve become more confused at times and unable to focus, feeling sleepy all the time and just weak. (It very well may be the lack of appetite I’ve had – I’m on a forced eating regime of at least one meal a day at the moment). In fact, I found it a little weird that my bladder remained full and in working order despite the lack of fluids I’ve had but, I may not be knowledgeable enough as far as that’s concerned. Or, maybe I’m just stressed…
With all of this staring me down, I have a surgeon in a different city who has reviewed my medical notes and wants to do some “invasive” Intracranial Pressure Monitoring for 48 to 72 hours.
At last! Someone who is prepared to listen and take these symptoms seriously. But, it has me stressfully anxious because of the De Ja Vu nature of the situation. (Anyone who knows my story will know what I mean).
Time, oh sweet time…
- I’ll need medical approval to have this done privately because I’m in a different region so can’t be treated through the public system.
- It’s Friday and going to the ED isn’t a plan – limited resources and it’ll just be a pain management exercise.
- Said surgeon only works in his private practice on Wednesday’s so I’m reliant on his secretary to communicate back and forth when he’s available.
- I’m hopeful of getting an MRI with flow study done, which only he can request but, only when he’s available…so I wait.
- I’ve had the good sense to book an Ophthalmology appointment for next Thursday to do a comparison of my visual fields to last year this time. The combination of these two tests will hopefully highlight any issues.
- And, the biggest one of all. What if I do need surgery? Do I travel out of town? (Stressing about the financial burden and lack of support) Or, do I chance being placed on the on call surgeons list (locally) and risk it being one of the two surgeons who previously dismissed me on too many occasions? (I have no faith or trust in either of these two messing with my head – but what’s the alternative..?)
Amidst all of this, I rest my body because that’s all I can do. If a snap of my fingers would get me faster results, I’d be clicking away…all while trying NOT to think ETV failure 🙏🏾
PS. This post has not been easy to do but sharing it here helps me keep track.