With every new year comes a wave of resolutions. We set out goals which, we hope to achieve or attain. Some we succeed at, some fail as soon as they begin and others…well, let’s just say we manage to take detours that sometimes leave us pondering.
This new year, I’ve decided that I won’t expect anything from myself. Thanks to Hyperthyroidism, I’ve lost and attained the usual weight-loss goal I set every year but fail to attain…Check. I like the lighter me, I love the fact that having my blood taken is no longer a mission simply because they can actually FIND my once dormant veins (Hallelujah!!! Gone are the days of being a human pincushion). I’ve started exercising and have my eye on the prize to achieve a more toned version of myself. Make no mistake, this in itself is a challenge because, between Hydrocephalus and Hyperthyroidism, my body takes a beating in feeling generally unwell. But…I choose to find the silver lining, persevere and endure.
No, this year I won’t be expecting anything from myself and there’s only one reason why. I’m my own worst enemy and a perfectionist at heart. Instead, I want to take this year to focus on the successes I’ve already attained. No more wallowing in self-pity or bouts of depression, no more feeling like I need to rush to be something or someone else, no more looking at the grass on the other side because quite honestly, the grass on the other side is only greener because it rains more. And, because there’s an abundance of manure to keep it well fertilized.
A few weeks back, I ordered myself a necklace with this pendant on it.
This is my reminder of all the things I’ve managed to dust myself off of and get back up from. It really doesn’t matter what it is, good or bad (and there’s heaps of that). What matters is that I get a new year to start afresh, a new year to say “bring it” and most importantly, I have a new year to hopefully continue making an impact on this world as Skyewaters. (At least within the Hydro community). This in itself got me thinking. When I die, so will this blog. I didn’t really like that and I thought endlessly about how I could possibly stop that from happening (The blog dying of course – I know none of us will get out of this life alive). Then, it dawned on me that it really doesn’t matter because what matters is that I’m here now. If I am to make a change by what I have to “say“, then why not focus on the here and now?
My aim in attitude towards Hydrocephalus this year will be, to see it as just something which is a part of me…like a limb. I might not like the fact that it’s there or knowing the cost of living with it but…it is what it is. I can’t speak for anyone else but myself when I say, this condition consumes me. Don’t misunderstand, it’s not like a negative, self-pity consuming but more one that has me wanting and craving change and awareness for each and every person (and their family), living with this condition. When I started this blog, I did not envision making the connections I’ve made with people all over the world. I feel extremely blessed to have those of you who have reached out and connected with me. There’s nothing special about me, I’m a person just like you and the fact that someone, somewhere takes the time to read what I’ve written, comment or share their experiences – it’s just bloody fantastic! More importantly, it’s a reminder of my own words to me, “Never Alone“.