Brain injury: Putting yourself first is never a mistake

Brain injury doesn’t mean I want sympathy, but empathy goes a long way. Some days I don’t even recognise myself. I feel displaced. Like my whole world has been turned upside down, and no one else sees the carnage.

When your brain doesn’t work as designed, it can leave you feeling all sorts of emotions. In fact, depending on the area of injury, quite a few things come into play. And, when you don’t have support, navigating daily life becomes even more challenging.

Every day is an uphill climb requiring more grit than I thought I possessed — I find myself constantly learning new things about the way my brain functions now as opposed to before. Or finding out what doesn’t work for me — a growing and ever changing list of things. Some of these little lessons are so surprising that I don’t really know what to do with them. They evoke different feelings, most of which I need time to process as they catch me off guard. And others are things I have forcefully had to learn to live with. Through no fault of my own, some things don’t sit well with others around me either. For the most part; I live life unfiltered. Sometimes I find that I lack the required emotional intelligence to not “put my foot in it”, not out of malice, but due to the injury to my brain. Often times I live to regret things I’ve said, or done, after the fact…

There’s not much I can do about it because the effects manifesting due to having a brain injury is not within my control. I’m simply left to piece the wreckage together — feeling like a relative of Frankenstein!

Mostly, there are just too many moments of sadness and a greater sense of loss — sprinkled with moments of lifting myself up with care, grace, patience and self-love. I have no one else to do it for me. But, the ones who are there for me at my lowest point are my closest allies. They are few and far between. I could probably count on one hand how many there are, while others have simply withdrawn from me seemingly overnight.

Life these days are a constant work in progress and one of the loneliest journeys I have ever had to endure. But I will never give up!

My resolve remains intact. I want to be a light to shine on the world around me as I recognise others who are walking alongside me. For even when I have lost so much, and my challenges seem insurmountable, threatening my sanity, I persevere. Choosing to shed a light for others on the same path as me.

I don’t need sympathy, but empathy will certainly go a long way…And, maybe this as a reminder, if only to put a smile on my face!