Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you make a big deal of things and, after some time has passed, realise that it wasn’t as bad as you thought? I’ve certainly had my fair share of these moments and still do! Life hands us all lemons along the way, I have no doubt of this. Most times you hear people say, “Change your attitude” towards a situation (be more positive), to move past whatever is dragging you down. This might work with certain things but doesn’t apply to everything.
For the record, I feel we need to be able to express how we feel, allow emotions to breathe and then move on from it. Suppressing negative feelings never does anyone any good. Take it from someone who has carried her fair share of this debilitating weight and…I still do…some things just never leave you!
Undoubtedly, perspective for me, is something which probably looks totally different to the next person – or maybe not.
All I know is, when you have an incurable condition, there’s just a different way you view life.
Family feuds – They just seem so dumb and incomparable. Regardless of what the issue is, it just fails in comparison. We live with regret when someone dies and question our actions in certain situations but, by the time it gets to that point, it’s always too late. We make each other’s lives a living hell and for what? Dumb, right?
Work – Realise that work is a means to an end – it pays the bills and keeps food on the table at the very least. It’s not to say you don’t take it seriously or put every effort into it but somehow, what appears of importance to those around you also, fails in comparison. I could easily face a looming deadline now, something which may have scared me a bit a few years ago (pre-diagnosis), not so much now. I’ve had quite a few moments of asking myself “What the heck are you doing this for?”. Moments where I feel I should be out saving the world…Somehow, doing something with a deeper meaning seems more in line with my hearts true desires. But, alas…I have bills to pay and a family to take care of!
Friendships/relationships – You learn to accept that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. You mourn the loss of some and rejoice in the ties that bind. You take different paths and somehow, you discover a deeper sense of self as you get older. Maybe this is our ultimate purpose…?
There are so many examples I could list but I don’t want to bore you…
Perspective for me now means…Knowing as much about this condition as I possibly can and owning it because no one else will. Being an advocate and knowing when to “take my symptoms seriously” enough to seek medical attention. Right now, I’m awaiting my upcoming consultation with a Neurosurgeon next week, not knowing if the symptoms I’ve been feeling is an indication of “something more” or not. Accepting that the possibility of my next brain surgery, is something which could happen tomorrow, next week, next year or within the next decade. It’s living with the reality of the condition and not sugar coating it.
It certainly makes everything else seem so small and insignificant…
I know for a fact that it’s not at the forefront of anyone else’s mind around me but, it sure as heck is for me. Others are oblivious…they carry on with life, consumed by some of the things I’ve mentioned above and more. They live their “sheltered” lives and I stare back at them wondering…
I understand that some situations can make you feel helpless to the core especially when you see no way out. But that doesn’t mean there is no way out; it just means you haven’t found it…yet.
Silently I observe all around me because perspective through my eyes, teaches me that whatever plagues them today, will fade away in time. But what plagues me today (living with Hydrocephalus and the uncertainty of more brain surgery, including surviving it) will be with me till my time on earth is done.
Yet, they will never know…