There are a few ways in which Hydrocephalus and having had brain surgery affects us, some in more ways than others. Cognitive skills, memory issues, being indecisive…these are just a few examples.
By nature, I “shoot from the hip/say it like it is, don’t take crap and can be quite straightforward” (sometimes to the detriment of the receiving party). But, never with the intention of being hurtful.
Since we all know that Hydrocephalus is an invisible illness and, after my post on “When to tell a prospective boss” and the responses I received, it’s apparent that divulging your health status is something personal to holder. If I had to answer my own question at the top of this post, I would probably say I’m VERY touchy! Though, there are times where I remind myself to not take myself “so seriously, because no-one else does” more importantly, to cut myself some slack.
As an example. We’re busy running a big recruitment campaign across about 6 different teams. I’m the middle (wo)man between our teams and the recruitment agency. Trying to keep track of everything and everyone feels damn near impossible especially for someone with Hydrocephalus (like me). Picture me trying to juggle ten balls in the air while balancing on a tight rope and, not drop any of them.
Yes, I’m a woman and we are generally great at multitasking but believe me when I tell you, the effects Hydrocephalus has had on my brain, is something not to be taken lightly. Feeling inadequate is one of my worst nightmares come true and one that has me feeling like I want to run for the hills because quite honestly, there are too many days that I do. It’s overwhelming, to say the least, and added to all of it, my normal job still needs to be completed over and above the sea of candidates, interviews and dealing with difficult Team leaders.
I approached 2 such Team leaders at one stage and, for the life of me, couldn’t remember the names of the two candidates they had interviewed, a day apart. I mixed them up and caused the look of confusion on both their faces, staring back at me. (Especially since one of the candidates was a “No” and the other a “Maybe” and I of course mixed up the two). It was no biggie but as I walked away, I overheard the one saying to the other “She can’t even remember who we have interviewed”. Being true to my nature, he got a tongue lashing that ended in “Would you like to trade places and do my job for a little while. See how you fair and then we’ll talk again” (add to that the mush of a brain I’ll add in just for good measure – I thought silently). He backed down with a laugh and quickly added that he didn’t mean anything by it. But, it was too late…
I try not to be this way and, remind myself that other people don’t know about my challenges, or the condition which rendered them unto me, so, therefore, can’t possibly be held liable for what they say.
In any area of your life, no person should be allowed to make you feel as if you are a failure or that you’re not good enough. No person knows better the mileage your shoes walk on a daily basis or the “blisters, cuts and bruises” you’ve acquired along the way than you do. As for the two Team leaders having that discussion about me, let’s just call them (a word my 7-year old has been taught at school, is bad to say)…Idiots! (Sadly this world is full of them). Also, it’s not OK for people to “change” their attitude towards you only once they are enlightened about your condition, whatever that may be. We should treat each other better as a human race because it’s the right thing to do and not because we feel sorry for the next person.
Don’t you think?