Does clutter bug you? I bet you’re wondering what clutter could possibly have to do with Hydrocephalus. Bear with me…
I personally, looking at my surroundings, am a self-confessed hoarder praying desperately for a release to a calm Zen-like state. (Or maybe I just have too much on my plate and literally can’t get to everything, it really doesn’t matter either way). I start my clean up process and literally feel my limbs weaken. Sorting things into piles is not as easy as all those organisational gurus recommend. The problem is, I can’t really distinguish between what’s important, useful and just plain crap. (Enter scrambled Hydro brain). My cognitive dysfunction kicks in and the biggest bodily part that goes numb is my brain. It refuses to budge. Compartmentalising is a paralysis that I’ve become accustomed to, it’s overwhelming, to say the least.
Having done this so many times before, I’ve had moments of frustration where I just chuck things into file 13 (the bin) and completely put it out of my mind.
Clutter…a thing that apparently happens when you have baggage – emotional that is. Duh! I certainly have heaps of that.
The thing that struck me a few days ago though, I have all sorts of this damned infestation. It’s not only physically around me (work and home), it’s deep within my soul and right on the surface of my mind. Some of the things I’m going to mention never bothered me before Hydrocephalus entered the arena. For me personally, this condition has elevated my level of annoyance and created a degree of disability.
Take for example noise.
I can’t handle noise around me. It doesn’t even have to be loud, it can simply be someone talking in the same room as me or, worse, to me when I’m trying to focus on one thing/task. Working in an open plan office, is one of my worst nightmares come true. Listening to people eating with their mouths open or slurping their hot/cold drink has got to be one of my all-time highest pet peeves. People are talking all the time and this in itself creates a clutter of sounds in my mind that’s already so jumbled up. Thoughts are flowing constantly, as is the case with just about any person. However, the thoughts combined with the noise and trying to do my job is sometimes just a bit too much to handle. I find I can’t concentrate and reading something is even worse because I end up reading the same thing over and over again. There are literally days where I feel like I can get up from my chair and shout “shut the f*** up!”. But, for obvious reasons I don’t. I get up from my chair and simply walk away before that happens or put my earphones on and listen to some music as loud as possible and just zone out.
Have you ever watched the program hoarders? Think of the worst one you’ve seen and picture those poor people trying to walk through/over mounds of crap trying to get from one room to the next. Well…that’s how I feel sometimes, with the crevices of my mind. It just doesn’t feel like I have much order in my brain, everything is a jumbled mess and it literally makes me feel like it’s a weak limb that just refuses to function.
Therefore, I’ve set a challenge for myself. I’m going to try and dispose of the clutter so I can (hopefully) get to my Zen-like desired state. It’s going to be small at first but I aim to chip away at each facet of my life on a daily basis.
My Inbox (work and personal) has come up first on the list. Culling away old emails from way back, why keep it? If it’s not important to my current state/situation then it’s got to go. I made a note of the size of the mailbox before I started this process and will compare it at regular intervals just to see the progress. Much like when you’re trying to lose weight… (I purely do this in order to see the progress and stay motivated).
I don’t know about you but I subscribe to way too many things. All those subscriptions have done is add more clutter on a daily basis, hour by hour, to my Inbox. The approach I took with this is, first unsubscribe completely and then search by sender, delete all and empty the trash/recycle bin at the same time.
It’s similar to putting a “no junk mail” sign on your letterbox. All it does is go in the recycle bin anyway, we never really look at it. The danger with looking (on the odd occasion), is that you end up buying things you don’t need, bringing more clutter into your home. See the spiral effect?
I can see myself applying this approach to just about anything (well most anyway) in my life.
Facebook – Are all your “friends” really friends or are there some people you just don’t even know. This is probably a tricky one but I’m sure if you had to take a serious look at it, there’d be people you would remove because there’s no real value in having them as part of your circle. Depends on what you share I suppose.
Fake friends – We all have some of these. You start out as friends and somewhere along the line, things change be it your values or theirs.
Clothes that don’t fit anymore – Guilty! Since my recent weight-loss and Hyperthyroidism diagnosis, I suppose it’s no use holding on to any of these items. Truth be told, it’s not a case of “I might fit into this one day”. I’ll be happy to part with these items without hesitation.
Doctors who don’t give you the best care – Never settle for less than you deserve. Besides, there’s plenty of other doctors who would do a great job of meeting your medical needs (you might just need to search a little while longer till you find him/her)…
This attitude, can be applied to anything which does not serve you for the better good, the list is endless.
My analogy leads to the fact that I’ll eventually work on the clutter inside my head. Like a friend said to me, “It’s seeing the physical clutter around you that leads to thoughts being processed in your head of having to deal with it”. This adds unnecessary stress, worry and complications into your daily life. Hopefully, I’ll be able to think more clearly and find a better direction in what I want or need to do. The last thing this Hydro girl needs is the endless array of noise and clutter inside her head. There’s only enough room for my brain and apparently the occasional excess cerebrospinal fluid.
How much unnecessary “clutter” do you have in your life which is causing you added stress and impacting your inner peace? Time to let go, don’t you think?