Ever feel like you’re falling apart…literally?

Ever feel like you’re falling apart…literally?

I feel like I’m being “chipped” away piece by piece.

Apparently some body parts you can live without, who knew? Some surgeries improve things and others bring more complications than you bargained for. This has been a consistent (almost rebellious) communication from the doctors I’ve spoken with over these last 2 weeks. It feels like they’re telling me all the reasons not to have surgery but none of them leave me feeling like I have a choice either. Due diligence maybe?

I get it.

I don’t like the thought of having yet another piece of my insides taken out. I accept the risk that comes with it and remain hopeful that I will get relief, once it’s done. I am aware of the side effects of having half (hopefully) of my thyroid removed. And even make peace with the idea of weight gain from having no thyroid, should it come to that.

Truth be told, when my gallbladder gave me issues a few years back and I faced its removal, I wondered how I would ever cope/survive. Yet I have. And, when I had a hysterectomy, I asked what next?! I probably shouldn’t ask that question again.

Every time I go through this, it strips me of something non-physical…

I hate surgery just as much as the next person and will probably be giving myself all sorts of pep talks over the next 6 weeks as I await a date. First a biopsy to see if this growing nodule is worth its weight or just an idle threat. And then, an ENT appointment to take a closer look at my vocal cords, since it’s affecting my ability to have long conversations.

Pity it’s not so simple with my brain. Wouldn’t it be great if we could just cut away the part of our brain that doesn’t work as it should? Or, replace it with a new one!?

I know, sounds ludicrous…I think medicine drew a line at heart transplants

A few days of constant headache and nausea has me on edge but with my new Neurosurgeon appointment a week away, I shall have to grin and bear. I feel like I could rip my right eyeball out of its socket due to constant pain, down my head and arm. It’s the kind of pain untouched by OTC painkillers. Knowing that there will always be further brain surgery in my future, does not give me the peace of mind I need, when it comes to my Hydrocephalus. I don’t think such a thing exists, not when it comes to this condition. There’s a build up of emotion, and associated anxiety that takes over, when you take everything into account.

Regardless, I have been here so many times before.

We endure because we have no other choice. We accept because fighting against it won’t help. We do what we can, and must, to survive..!

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