An iceberg seems appropriate for this post and, the sinking of the Titanic, is a perfect example of not realising the full extent of what lurks beneath the surface, hence the image I chose to use. IMHO!
I wonder if the people on the Titanic had known what lay beneath the surface, what difference it would have made…Undoubtedly, they would not have embarked on that journey.
To look at (me) you’d probably think (I) was all the things listed at the top of this image. Some are true but some are only your perceived interpretation of what you “think” is true of me. Everyone has traits that are both good or bad, negative or positive, true to their nature and just simply, a misconception by others. Maybe you’d have some preconceived idea of (me) based on what you see on the day; there are times where it couldn’t be further from the truth! Not when you compare it to the bottom half of this image or, in my case, combine it all, the words that do reflect who I truly am or what I feel…However, by the same token, some of what lurks beneath the surface is negative fluff and has no ounce of truth either.
With this condition, and post brain surgery, there’s so much emotions, so many challenges and so many obstacles to overcome. To say I haven’t always been this way would be spot on – 💯%
Telling me (I’m) strong and brave does not make (me) feel any less of what lurks beneath the surface. Nor does saying; “You’ve got this” when, in the moment, (I) simply want to scream; “(I) can’t do this anymore..!”
The damage caused by this condition before, during and after, is something that can’t be undone. Brain surgery causes injury and irreversible damage. It’s not simply a matter of having brain surgery i.e.; “going to get fixed” and then you’re all better. The effects are real, challenging and different every time.
An injury that can leave you feeling like a failure because you try to be positive, have faith and see the silver lining BUT, it doesn’t always work out that way. Feeling like death would certainly be a better alternative as you dip in and out of depression…and face the next challenge. Yet, not having the “courage” to actually kill yourself…because somehow, something or someone else keeps you from going through with it..!
If someone you know has this condition and is showing any of these signs, don’t ignore, minimise or downplay it. My advice is this:
So many people are ignorant to what lies beneath the surface, simply because they can’t see it. They’re not experiencing any of it themselves. Therefore, understandably, they can’t relate. BUT, that’s not an excuse, especially if you’re reading this post. Educate yourself and help spread awareness! Share this post! You never know who could be facing these challenges and simply need validation. There are many conditions or life situations that can leave one feeling like this.
Support shown to someone affected in this way, is nurtured through; knowledge, patience, kindness, compassion and/or understanding. As much as you have to get used to the changes before you, so too does the person affected by it, within. They are literally living in an inner solitary confinement of a torture chamber. Stuck with NO way out…
Educate yourself. Be aware of the effects. Because, knowledge truly is power!
If you’re not up to it, or feel like it’s too hard, the least you can do is say so and move on…This condition is NOT for the faint hearted!
It’s hard enough to deal with the reality of the condition, than dealing with the stress of someone else having to carry the weight of it all, against their will. You have a choice. I don’t!
Next time, if you look at me, know that all of this is going on inside of me, at any given moment. I’m not faking! I’m not being a drama Queen. I’m simply surviving. Plain and simple!