Thanks to you…

The unknown is scary…this is true of any situation in life.

Having a condition like Hydrocephalus, can either make or break you…this too, is true of any chronic illness life throws at you.  I’ve had moments of weakness where I’ve been ready to give up, moments where I’ve literally begged and pleaded with God to end my life and take away the pain.  However, more than these moments, I’ve had times where I’ve gotten back up onto my feet and taken a step forward toward a new breath, a new hour, a new day, a new year…

It’s not easy living life, knowing you have a challenge greater than those who are not touched by illness and pushing on.  You can sink into bouts of depression and dwell there for days, not wanting to move, not wanting to eat, not wanting to do anything.  I know because I’ve been in this state too.  However, staying afloat in the stream of life leaves you with little to no other option…

When I allow myself to sit still and think of what I’ve been through with this condition, I am almost left speechless and more so…in Awe of myself but to a greater extent, the love of God without whom, I would not have made it.  Now I know, most people do not believe in God and for that, I do not judge them, it is their choice.  Some have even asked me what makes me believe…I’ll be honest and say, there have been times when I have struggled with a clear answer.  In fact, there is no specific reason…I simply do.  My grandmother was a great instrument in this part of my life.  She raised me and made sure that I attended church every Sunday.  I knew to say my prayers each night before going to bed and even sang in the church choir for most of my youth.  She laid the foundation of my belief in God and because of this, my experiences in life (no matter how bad) have been faced head on despite stumbling and failing from time to time.  I am by no means perfect, nor am I a model Christian but that’s not what this post is about.

I am touched by the responses and messages I’ve received thus far to the posts I’ve shared.  More than this, I feel humbled to have others share their stories with me in return.  The most amazing part of this is the friendships I’ve struck with complete strangers…giving me hope for humanity.  Knowing that someone took the time to offer a few words of encouragement, share their own story or offer their good wishes, lifts my spirit to a new high.  I feel blessed and fortunate to be able to share these words/feelings/thoughts as I strike the keys, knowing that someone, somewhere will be reading what I have to say.

So to all of you reading this right now…Thank you!  Thank you for taking the time and thank you for giving me a platform where I can speak, breathe and live (though strong or weak)…it makes facing the unknown seem a little less…daunting.