When death comes in the morning…

When death comes in the morning…

Death…something, which I talk about often (maybe too often) and also something, which has been at the forefront of my mind lately.  I went through a phase when I was younger, where death did not bother me at all.  In fact, I welcomed it to some degree…  Don’t get me wrong, I did not WANT to die but if death had to come knocking on my door, I would not hesitate to open it.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about the true meaning of life.  I come to the same conclusion…we live to die.  Fine, I can accept that.  But, I don’t want to die just yet.  The reason is, I have children who I helped bring into this world, who I have a duty toward to raise into the responsible, self-sufficient and independent, young adults they were meant to be.  This is my view of course.  I realize that it is a little bigger than me and no matter what I do or say, no matter how I negotiate and pray, no matter what…it’s not up to me.

I regard myself to be a woman of faith and therefore, believe that we all have a purpose.  Even the beggar on the street, regardless of your creed, colour, culture or circumstance…we all have a purpose.  Now, this gets me thinking too.  I have wracked my brain, trying to figure out just what MY specific purpose here on earth could possibly be.  Whether what I think or assume it is, is right…It is neither here nor there.  It’s what I believe it to be and ultimately, what I do about it or in essence, do to fulfil that purpose.  I believe that I might just have stumbled across it along the way and am doing my best to accomplish what’s been set before me.

Somehow, life seems like a bit of a waste.  I ask the question, “Why is it that we realize later on in life when it’s too late, the true value of the life we have?”  Trying to make up for lost time in a sense while running against the clock.  Someone said to me, not so long ago.  If a doctor tells you that you have 6 months to live, psychologically, you start living as if you have 6 months left to live and then you die.  If you were never given a figure, you might have lived longer.  I let that sink in a bit.  I guess I could see where he was going with that but then it got me thinking.  Would I rather not know how long I have to live and one day just keel over or would I want to know?  I’m not sure that either one gives me comfort.  I then realized that I am not as ready for death as I thought I was.  In fact, I would like to do whatever I can to avoid it, at all cost.

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I don’t want to die, I don’t want to get older, I don’t want to think about how my life is currently being wasted.  The rat race of everyday life, work, responsibilities, bills, etc…I don’t want that crap to consume me so much that I effectively waste every precious moment of my time going to work and wasting away so much of my life, to line up someone else’ pockets.  I think this world is stupid, I think human beings are stupid.  We were born into a world where there are governments and monarchy who run countries and determine the value of everything…products, people, even our time.  Why does there have to be all this bullshit!?  Why can’t we all just live in harmony and peace and enjoy the time we have with the ones we love?  Why does it have to come down to money?

Face it, we work so that we can have money.  Money is what aids our survival so that we can buy food and see to our physical needs.  If man manufactures money, then why do we have to earn it.  It’s all just plain dumb!

Coming back to the issue of death.  I know at some point, I will have to embrace the reality of it…otherwise, I might just end up losing it.  No-one can save me or you from it, it’s inevitable.  So what to do?

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Well, I say enjoy life.  Stop stressing and worrying about the small stuff (in fact, everything is small in comparison).   Screw it!  None of that fluff that consumes you, is relevant.  The people in your life that matter the most to YOU, are the ones where your time should be focused on.  Ultimately, they are the ones who will be there for you when you need them the most.  Don’t walk around with regret, if you have and are in a position to do something about the situation, then fix it.  If not, then make your peace with it and walk away.  The pain and suffering the people around you will feel at your loss, should be soothed by the example you imprinted in their minds and hearts.  An example of a person who loved life to the fullest and never let anything get them down.  Yes, you are human, you have weak moments and you have made mistakes.  So what, we all do.

It’s not too late, you still have time to live the best life you possibly can.  You have the power to choose how you live your life going forward, only you can choose how receptive or ready you will be…When death comes in the morning…be ready to step into the best life you’ll ever live.

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Published by Skyewaters

I blog about Hydrocephalus to give a voice to the millions (if not billions) of people around the world with this condition NOT disease.  As much as these experiences are unique to me and my family, I’m sure others have experienced it too.  My aim…to shine a light on it and raise awareness – simple and challenging at the same time but worth it!

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