Depression is a curse and in some instances, sadly fatal but it doesn’t have to be.
It can be very debilitating and make you feel like you’ve been severed at the limbs (with a blunt object), from the minds perspective. It’s easy, in this frame of mind, to believe that there is no hope, no silver lining and more seriously…no reason for living. I say this because I have been down in the dumps one too many times and, by the grace of God, have clawed my way out of that dingy, horrible place. I’ve adopted the attitude that “If it doesn’t kill you, it will make you stronger“. (I do wish though that I didn’t have to learn some lessons the hard way…)
Having a condition like Hydrocephalus, being told that there is no cure and that you quite possibly face more than just one brain operation, that you could lose your vision, go into a coma, may or may not have some physical challenges, etc…the list goes on and on – can feel like a huge burden. Also, experiencing the effects of the condition (like short-term memory loss, mental dullness, etc) and the surgeries, which eventually take its toll, doesn’t leave much room for a long and happy outlook on life. Family and friends eventually withdraw themselves and move away from your drama because they simply don’t understand and cannot comprehend especially if “You look fine“…ultimately leaving you feeling like you’re in this all alone.
Add to that medical professionals who don’t give you much hope, care or joy and leave you feeling helpless with nowhere to go. They make you feel like you’re a nuisance and quite possibly need a one-way pass to the loony bin..abandoned and alone is what you end up feeling like. I’d say this would be the cherry on the Hydro bomb for sure!
I know what this is like…especially since I’ve been to the dungeons of depression land from time to time, paying this place a visit (not by my own choice) and reveling in misery for what seems like an eternity.
It’s the days when I don’t play to the depression trumpet that I draw my strength from and build up my resources, especially for the next impromptu visit. This strength comes in the form of a mind shift…be it creating new resolutions or just the constant repetition of the words “You can do this!” until it sinks in long and hard enough. Obviously, this is not a fool proof method (if it were, there would be no impromptu visits). But, it’s this together with gaining renewed strength (mental, physical and spiritual) and a deeper understanding of life, that gets me to re-evaluate just how mine is going. I accept that Life happens and more importantly, it’s not within my control (especially not the bad)…neither is it within your’s.
I realized a long time ago that this is it. This life I’m living, no different to anyone else. There is no fluff, no bullshit formula for success and no feeling of I’m better than you or anyone else. The people who look most like they have it all together are probably some of the more wounded souls you’ll ever meet. Me included…
I’m here today to tell you this. Accepting what’s been dealt your way is hard but if you are to get through this, it’s going to be the first step on the road to a better destination. One where the world quite possibly still seems dark and gloomy but where the rays of sunshine can touch your face. One step at a time, one day at a time…Who knows, that destination might be right next door to your pit of misery (at first), but so what, it’s a change of scenery and your body, mind and soul will welcome it.
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I blog about Hydrocephalus and Selective Mutism to give a voice to the millions of people around the world with this condition and disorder. As much as these experiences are unique to me and my family, I’m sure others have experienced it too. My aim…to shine a light on it and raise awareness – simple and challenging at the same time but worth it!