Where did you come from..? Why did you happen to my body..? What led to me being the “lucky” one to have to grin and bear you..? Why did you choose me..? I guess I’ll never know the answer to these questions…
You caused an obstruction in the path of my cerebral aqueduct, making it difficult for cerebrospinal fluid to flow through freely. Fluid needed by my body, especially my brain. As if having meningitis once wasn’t enough, I fell prey to it a 2nd time as if to seal the deal and aid in creating your obstacle and ultimate birth. I don’t think I’ll ever understand why me but, at this point in time, that clearly becomes irrelevant.
You’ve wrecked havoc on my body and my life since I found out about you, the day my world changed forever. People tell me not to focus on you or allow you to take over my life, to live my life more spontaneously and with a bit more enthusiasm. (These people obviously are not the ones living with a life threatening condition). But, how can I do this when you are not simply a wart on my body, with no ill-intentions? It’s clear that your main aim is to challenge and threaten my existence…
See, the thing is, you are a glaring blue eyed monster in my view. One that threatens my peace of mind and because of the person that I am, I know there is nothing good about you. There’s no way that I can feel fortunate to have you as part of my life, nothing that you touch has been good for me in any way. You have caused me inconceivable pain and misery, not to mention way too many sleepless nights. You break down some of the most valued relationships I have. My physical, emotional, financial and spiritual resources are depleted…In fact, you have the upper hand in most situations. (Waving the white flag).
As if that’s not enough, you play guessing games with these doctors who just fall prey, like gullible idiots, to your conundrums. They just can’t seem to figure it all out because you chose to make my condition a tad “complicated“. I wish they would just admit to not knowing what to do and instead offer to find out what’s wrong rather than leaving me at your mercy.
You sure have a sick sense of humour and yet through all of this, I’m not at all laughing…In fact, if I do end up laughing, I think you will have succeeded in leading me straight to the loony bin.
I feel isolated and extremely lost having you this close to me. I wish I could take a leave of absence from you, just for…oh I don’t know…the rest of my life!
Fuck you Hydrocephalus!!!