Every year on my birthday, I say a prayer. And, every year, I ask God for whatever it is, at the time, I feel I need. This year, I chose to say “Thank You” instead. I went down on my knees (something, which I haven’t physically done in ages) and I said thank you instead.
I feel grateful. Grateful for every little experience in my life, no matter how big or small…no matter how joyful….or painful. I am the person I am today, because of all my life’s experiences. I am thankful for the people in my life, my husband and my children especially. They keep me grounded and sometimes (well mostly) insane. Just kidding…I am thankful for my father who says things like, “even when you are 50, you will still be my baby and I love you”
A few months ago, I found a strand of grey hair. It freaked me out and I promptly pulled it out. Not wanting to face the fact that I have now reached a new stage in my life. I am closer to 40 than I would like to be and yet…a few days ago, a feeling of peace and acceptance came over me in respect of my new age. It really is just a number. So…the new strand of grey will be allowed to stay, in fact, I smiled when I saw it and felt “OK” with it being a part of me. I say “Bring it!”
I’ve come to realise that there are more important things in life.
Over the last couple of months, I watched (on Facebook) as a friend’s sister succumbed to Cancer. At first, when I read about her story, I thought “that’s terrible”. I read the updates about her condition, her surgery to have her stomach removed and her road to recovery. I felt helpless for this woman. I empathised with her family and wished there was something I could do to make it better for her. Seeing her fighting spirit and smiling despite her discomfort or pain (which really was not apparent) gave me hope. I am not the one who needed hope…I am not the one who needed to feel better. In fact, it had nothing to do with me. I could simply go about my daily life and have no interest in her situation whatsoever. But…I am a person who feels for others. I do not enjoy seeing the next person in pain, I do not enjoy the misery of the next person…no matter who or what they are. In all honesty, it was a story I had the pleasure and privilege to watch from across the globe. I feel blessed and fortunate to know there is a lesson to be taken away from this and so many other stories like hers.
The words uttered by more than one person to me about death “it won’t matter to you because you’ll be dead” has rung true and finally, I understand. It has brought me to a point where I feel that whatever I haven’t done at the time of my death…doesn’t matter. It’s all about what happens here and now…while I am still alive.
A question popped into my head as well.
“Why wait until you know you are dying (if you are “lucky” enough to know when that time will be), to start ticking off things on your bucket list?”
How true is that!? I don’t want to wait until then. Working myself to the point where I can do no more and lying in wait for death to come. It seems rather depressing, doesn’t it?
I choose to love life Now. To be happy Now. To acquire the things I want Now. To do what I can and want to do Now. I am not perfect, and I probably will stumble and fall back into my old ways…BUT I sure can try. I am a person who stresses about anything and everything. I don’t want that for myself any longer. I want better. No-one else can do it for me…I am the only one who can decide how and when I get to do it all. No time constraints…just me doing the best I can for me and the people around me.
Life is not always about getting something and it sure isn’t about expecting all the time…but it is more about just saying Thank You!