Mothers day brings with it so many thoughts. Mostly there’s a feeling of thankfulness and appreciation. Last year I focussed on mothers of Hydro babies who go above and beyond the calling. This year, I turn the focus inward in the hope that I am not alone in any of it.
I am by no means a perfect mother, in fact, I think I probably suck at it for the most part. It’s not for lack of trying but its something I am going to be brave enough to admit to.
So why am I thankful or appreciative? Well, my children are at the height of those feelings. In my opinion, their view of me as a mother who is probably “not feeling well“, the majority of the time, is something to be admired. They don’t moan too much about this as I’d expect them to. (Well, maybe my 8-year old does. She expects entertainment every spare minute, so it’s usually a fight to get the message across – this in itself is hard to do especially when your body knocks you down).
In fact, I think they’ve all just become accustomed to this being the way things are…it’s their norm. I don’t like that norm for them. If anything, I hate that how I feel or am affected has any impact whatsoever on them. The last 11 years since my diagnosis and the start of my Hydro journey have been challenging to say the least. Had I known this was going to happen and how it would affect me, I would not have exposed them to any of it. But, it was not in my control and not something I brought on myself either – I accept that.
I do the best I can to dress up, smile and show up despite feeling like a complete mess. I fight my physical challenges and put them on the back burner because my kids come first…always. Yesterday for example, despite feeling like crap, I braved the cold and watched my sons Rugby match, something he was very proud of to be doing despite only getting about 20 seconds of game time. It really doesn’t matter because I know he appreciated the fact that his family was there to support him. It was important to him and he felt proud to be playing in the Boys 1st XV team for his College – so it’s important to me.
I know there’ll be times when I probably won’t be feeling up to it but there will also be times where I have the physical strength to trump my body’s rebellion. To say, “To hell with you, I’m doing this!” I’ll deal with the consequences later. At this moment, (recovering from yet another episode earlier this week) I’m feeling as dizzy, nauseous and sick as can be but it’s Mothers day so I’m going to try and enjoy the day with them…they’re the reason I get to celebrate it anyway, right?
As mothers, I don’t think there’s anything we won’t do for our children regardless of how crazy they make us feel at times. They came out of us after all and no matter how good or “crappy” we think we’re doing at the job description, it’s a job I don’t think I’ll be willing to give up. They accept me regardless of what I think of my parenting skills. Lord knows it’s something I probably question on a daily basis.
Not that I like to use it as an excuse but, any parent living with a chronic illness, physical limitation, incurable disease/condition, etc aren’t only doing the best they can to survive and get through their daily challenges but I’d like to think they’re doing the best they can for their kids.
Happy Mothers Day to all of you too…make the most of the day and enjoy it for what it’s worth 💙